Popular BookTok Characters and Their Attachment Styles: A Deep Dive Into Fictional Relationships
*Spoiler warnings ahead
*This analysis or attachment styles in fictional characters is for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not a clinical diagnoses or professional assessment. Attachment styles are complex and individualized, and real-life evaluations require thorough context and consent. If you’re interested in discovering your personal attachment style, reach out!
If you’re anything like me, you’ve fallen into the rabbit hole that is BookTok. It’s a place for literary lovers to connect with characters that resonate deeply with them. Beyond the gripping tales and romances, many characters embody complex psychological patterns that shape how they connect with others and themselves. One unique framework to understand these fictional stories is attachment theory - a therapeutic model to describe how early childhood experiences set the tone for how people form bonds in their relationships.
Here are some of BookTok’s favorite characters, including The Knight and the Moth, the Throne of Glass series, and Funny Story by Emily Henry.
First, a quick refresher of attachment theory:
-Secure Attachment: the ability to engage in relationships with healthy intimacy and communication while also expressing needs and engaging in a healthy level of autonomy
-Anxious Attachment: consistent and repetitive worrying about the quality of the closeness and the partner’s availability, which might translate into a need for constant reassurance or struggles with jealousy. Additionally, it can be common to lose individual identity due to becoming preoccupied with the relationships
-Avoidant Attachment: prioritizing independence but struggling with emotional intimacy and vulnerability, may come off as aloof. There is a solid sense of self in a way, but the relationship lacks.
-Disorganized Attachment: push and pull between desire for connection but a fear of it with unpredictable behaviors and mood swings.
These attachment styles influence how all of these characters interact with others, themselves, and any family ties they have.
The Knight and the Moth by Rachel Gillig
-Rory Myndacious: Disorganized Attachment
Rory presents with a protective demeanor, independence, and intense emotional restraint. From the beginning, the reader learns that Rory is independent and also skeptical of the messaging the world has received regarding their religious system. Additionally, he takes almost every opportunity he can to have distance between himself and Sybil, making demeaning and hurtful comments to keep her at bay. However, we learn later that while making those comments, he desired her. It wasn’t until towards the end of the book that he began to show her a sense of emotional vulnerability. Though his relationship with Sybil was fraught for some time, he shows his ability to develop close relationships as evidence by his friendship with Maude.
-Sybil “Six”: Anxious Attachment
From the beginning of the story, the closeness between the Diviners was showcased in the way they interacted, spoke with, and loved one another. Their whole future was about to begin right in front of their eyes, and they wanted to do it together. However, when they began disappearing, Sybil began experiencing anxiety which led her to Benji, Rory, and Maude. Out of the six, Sybil was deemed the favorite by the Abbess. As a result, during her time as a Diviner, she became intent on meeting the Abbess’ expectations. Even after she left the cathedral, she struggled with letting go of her desire to please. By the end of the book, it is obvious that Sybil is becoming more at peace with herself and engaging in emotional intimacy with others.
Throne of Glass series by Sarah J. Maas
-Aelin Ashryver Galathynius: Disorganized Attachment
In Heir of Fire, we learn about the traumatic death of Aelin’s parents. As a result, she lost her primary caregivers at a young age and was raised by an abusive caregiver. Aelin became independent, operating on her own whim. Throughout the series, it’s obvious that Aelin doesn’t share her plans with others due to the losses she experienced, especially Sam’s. She experienced tension within her relationships because of her keeping quiet about her plans, though she desperately wanted to keep people chose to her. Aelin showed moments of intense togetherness, while also showcasing sudden emotional walls.
-Dorian Havilliard: Anxious Attachment
While Dorian had both of his caretakers growing up, he didn’t receive kind and attentive care. Dorian was consistently and desperately trying to win the approval of his parents through maintaining a certain image in the court. As he progressed into the books, he struggled to achieve peace with his identity as the King’s son while also solidly disagreeing with his father’s politics. As a result, it was often difficult for him to maintain closeness.
Funny Story by Emily Henry
-Daphne: Anxious Attachment
Daphne shares at the beginning of the book about her ex-fiances betrayal. She identifies how she felt anxious about her role and identity in the relationship, as well as how she would fit into his family. Readers also learn about Daphne’s father and his unreliability. Through her narration, Daphne processed her fears of abandonment, specifically with Miles after all they had been through because of their ex-partners. Daphne is often described as someone who desires the acceptance and love of others, but also so private that her co-workers joke that she’s in witness protection or the FBI. She struggles to make deep connections, as evidenced by her relationship with her co-workers at the library.
-Miles: Avoidant/Disorganized Attachment
When the reader begins to learn more about Miles, we learn that due to his mother’s mistreatment of his family, he finds it very hard to open up in his romantic relationships. On the flip side, he is also preoccupied with outward achievements and seeking the approval of others, especially his sister Jules. In one of his conversations with Daphne, he shares about his fear of being truly seen and that his partner won’t accept him.
(Honorable mention: Kaz Brekker is definitely avoidant).
Understanding attachment styles in our beloved characters can help readers resonate on a more personal level with these characters, their struggles, and their triumphs, identifying ourselves in their stories, and reflecting on our own relationships and growth areas.
Attachment theory provides a fresh and fun lens to appreciate the emotional depth of some of our favorite characters. From Sybil to Aelin, these patterns can help explain why these characters captivate readers and inspire passionate conversations about love, relationships, trauma, and finding healing. Because, by the end of most of these books, these characters find their content ending despite the attachment style they started it.
Ready to understand your own patterns and maybe see yourself a little more clearly?
Therapy can be a safe place to explore how your early relationships shape the way you love, trust, and show up in the world. If you’re curious about attachment, emotional depth, or just want to feel more like you, I’d be honored to walk alongside you.
Get in touch to start your journey. No judgement, just real connection.