Purity Culture Wasn’t Pure: Healing the Shame That Has Never Been Yours

If you’ve grown up in any kind of organized religion, there’s always a moment with the dreaded topic of sex or intimacy comes up as a teenager. You’re told that sex is bad, wanting it is bad, and listening to your earthly or bodily desires is bad. You were taught to wait, to deny yourself, and more importantly, to watch yourself.

To fear your body. To see your desire as dangerous. To experience your physical sensations as wrong. To believe that any sort of intimacy was a minefield, and your job was to be small, silent, or spotless enough to avoid it.

Maybe you were told “your body is a temple” or that sex is a “gift for someone else to unwrap.” Maybe you were on a church trip and were told to cover yourself up so that other people don’t “stumble.” Maybe sex was never discussed until it was too late, and the shame already settled it. Maybe it was never about sex for you, but simply finding joy and connection in being safely home with yourself.

What purity culture really teaches

At its core, the messaging of purity culture actually relays the following:

-purity culture equates morality with modesty

-links your worth to virginity, self-denial, or being desireable but not too desireable

-disconnects you from your body, setting boundaries, and real consent

-replaces emotional safety with fear of punishment or fear of outed in your community

Many people who were raised in this culture now experience:

-anxiety in intimate relationships or in intimate moments

-guilt or confusion surrounding sex even when it’s healthy

-disconnection or disembodiment

-deep attachment fears like being “too mch” or “not enough”

Healing is possible, but of course, it’s not linear

You don’t have to become someone you’re not in order to heal. Through therapy with me and community with others, you can begin to reclaim:

-learning how to know and trust your body and messages of desire

-the ability to say yes or no without desire

-becoming more grounded in your body instead of guarded

- choosing a spiritual path (or not) that promotes your current values and understanding of your body

Therapy for Religious Trauma in Texas

I work with people who are deconstructing, questioning, or still healing from spiritual systems that taught them to be ashamed of their own humanness. You don’t have to untangle this alone, and you healing doesn’t have to be tidy or fast. It just has to be yours.

Reach out here to see if therapy can help. You desire to be seen as YOU, not your purity.