How to Rebuild Your Identity After Leaving a High-Control Religion
Leaving a high-control religion is a belief shift and an identity shift. You don’t just lose doctrine, but you also lose certainty, community, structure, and maybe even family. You can also lose sense of who you are and what makes you “good”. The part that isn’t talked about enough though, is that even if the decision to leave was the right decision, it can still feel destabilizing. Leaving these systems can provide clear rules about right and wrong, defined gender roles, built-in community, a script for your future, a framework for suffering, and a sense of cosmic meaning. When you step outside of that, your nervous system doesn’t immediately celebrate your decision to choose autonomy. Instead, it panics and feels disorienting. Anything you’re asking yourself right now, like questioning what you believe, not knowing who you are, if you’re wrong, or if you’ve ruined your life… that’s not weakness! Your identity was externally structured for years!
Feyre, Nesta, and the Spectrum of Trauma Responses: An ACOTAR Deep Dive
If you’ve read the A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas series, you understand that the emotions in these stories runs deep: love, grief, rage, sisterhood, family, and the weight of survival. Beneath the battles and mates, there is something all of us can relate to on a human level: how trauma shows up. And as the story tells, Feyre, Nesta, and Elain all experience their trauma in a different kind of way.
Purity Culture Wasn’t Pure: Healing the Shame That Has Never Been Yours
If you’ve grown up in any kind of organized religion, there’s always a moment with the dreaded topic of sex or intimacy comes up as a teenager. You’re told that sex is bad, wanting it is bad, and listening to your earthly or bodily desires is bad. You were taught to wait, to deny yourself, and more importantly, to watch yourself.