The Link Between Anxious Attachment and Self-Worth

When you care deeply about connection, it can feel like your entire sense of self is dependent on how others respond to you. If you have an anxious attachment style, you might recognize the push and pull of wanting closeness but also fearing rejection. It might often feeling like you’re “too much” or “not enough” depending on how those around you react.

What people might not realize is how closely anxious attachment and self-worth are intertwined. When your identity has been shaped by inconsistent care or emotional neglect (maybe even betrayal), you probably have learned to look outward for validation instead of inward. Instead of believing “I am worthy as i am”, the message has probably become “I’m only worthy if others approve, stay in relationship with me, or love me back.”

Attachment styles develop early in life, usually from the way caregivers responded to your needs. If love felt unpredictable, meaning sometimes nurturing but sometimes distant or critical, you may have learned to stay hyper-attuned to other people’s moods. Over time, this might have created a belief that:

-Love is conditional

-Safety comes from being “good enough” or meeting someone else’s needs

-Rejection is proof that something is wrong with you

This isn’t just a way of thinking! It’s often felt in the body too. Clients often describe a pit in their stomach why they don’t get a text back, a racing heart when their partner is upset, or a sense of shame when they feel like they’ve disappointed someone.

The cycle can leave you feeling:

-Hypervigilant to signs of withdrawal or disapproval

-Overly responsible for other people’s moods

-Quick to blame yourself when the relationship feels unstable

-Exhausted from trying to prove your value over and over again

But here’s the truth: your worth isn’t something that another person grants you or takes way. It’s already there! Building secure attachment starts with rebuilding the way you see yourself and learning to trust that you are deserving of love, care, and belonging without conditions.

Therapy can help interrupt the anxious attachment pattern by:

-Identifying the early life experiences that may have shaped your behaviors

-Learning to regulate the fears that arise when closeness feels like its being threatened

-Practicing self-compassion and internal validation

-Building relationships that are rooted in reciprocity rather than fear

You don’t have to keep proving your worth in order to be loved. You are already enough.

If this feels familiar, you don’t have to figure it out alone. At Amara Therapeia, I work with individuals navigating attachment, betrayal trauma, and self-worth struggles. Together, we can help you feel grounded in your relationships and become more confident in yourself.

Please schedule a consultation here if you want to learn more!