What Your Nervous System Does After Betrayal and How to Calm It
When trust is broke through infidelity, deception, or another form of betrayal, the impact goes far beyond than just hurt feelings. Betrayal disrupts your entire nervous system, often leaving the betrayed feeling unsafe in their own bodies long after the event. Many of my clients describe the experience like they “living on the edge” or that they no longer feel like themselves. These reactions are not overreactions. They are survival responses! Understanding what your nervous system does in the aftermath of betrayal can help you begin to make sense of your response and how to take steps towards healing.
Why Hyperfixations Can Be Healing: Turning Passions Into Coping Skills
Have you ever found yourself diving deep into a hobby, TV show, or niche interest - so much so that it feels like your whole world for a period of time? That’s what many people call a hyperfixation. While the word is often associated with ADHD, autism, and neurodivergence communities, hyperfixations aren’t exclusive to any one group! In fact, they’re a completely human experience, and they can be fun, therapeutic, and even a valuable coping skills.
The Link Between Anxious Attachment and Self-Worth
When you care deeply about connection, it can feel like your entire sense of self is dependent on how others respond to you. If you have an anxious attachment style, you might recognize the push and pull of wanting closeness but also fearing rejection. It might often feeling like you’re “too much” or “not enough” depending on how those around you react.
Conrad vs. Jeremiah: When a Shutdown Feels like a Rejection
If you’ve been following The Summer I Turned Pretty (like me), you’ve most likely had very strong feelings about the love triangle between Belly, Conrad, and Jeremiah. Some people root for Jeremiah’s open-heartedness and outgoing personality, while others feel pulled towards Conrad’s brooding intensity.
But what makes Conrad controversial at times, and yet so compelling, is his safety protocol of shut-down.
When Conrad gets flooded emotionally, instead of opening up, he retreats. He pulls away from Belly, leaving her hurt and confused, and questioning what she means to him. To someone on the outside, this looks like coldness or disinterest. But underneath, Conrad’s withdrawal is a defense mechanism… which is where fiction mirrors real life.
Is It Normal to Stay After Infidelity? What Therapists Want You to Know
When infidelity happens, your world might feel like it’s falling apart. You might find yourself between an overwhelming desire to leave and a voice in your head asking if staying is even possible. People around you might be quick to give you feedback - “once a cheater, always a cheater” or “you have to forgive if you want to move forward.” But the truth is far more complicated. It is normal to stay after infidelity? The short answer: yes. Healing and decision-making after betrayal don’t follow a linear path.