Why Emotional Unavailability Feels Like Connection
If you find yourself in relationships that are primarily with emotionally unavailable partners, you might have already asked yourself: Why do I keep doing this? You might tell yourself you’re bad at choosing, or that you’re missing red flags, or that somehow you attract the wrong people. Most of the time, however, chasing emotionally unavailable people isn’t about poor judgement, but how your nervous system has learned to recognize connection.
When Couples Therapy Feels Worse Before It Gets Better
If you’ve started couples therapy and feel like things are worse than before, you’re not imagining it. You’re not failing. Many couples enter therapy hoping that it will immediately calm conflict, restore a sense of closeness, or help them communicate better. Instead, sessions can oftentimes bring up arguments, raw emotions, and conversations that have been avoided for years. Suddenly, everything feels louder, heavier, and more unstable.
The Difference Between Coping and Healing
You’ve done the hard work of surviving. This might have looked like long nights, silent days, and uncertainty about what life looks like after everything has changed. You’ve read all the books, listened to all the podcasts, and tried shifting your routines, and maybe outwardly it appears as though you’ve got it all together. But sometimes, even after all the effort, you notice that you still feel stuck. You’re not falling apart, but you’re not free and thriving either. That’s the quiet in-between space where many people find themselves: where coping has done it’s job, but healing hasn’t begun yet.
Anxious Attachment or Anxiety? How to Tell the Difference and Begin Healing
It’s a common question I hear in therapy: “Is this just anxiety or something deeper?”
When your heart races after not getting a text back or you feel a wave of panic when your partner pulls away, it can feel impossible to tell. Anxiety and anxious attachment can look and feel like fear, overthinking, and emotional intensity. But, they grow from different places.
The Link Between Anxious Attachment and Self-Worth
When you care deeply about connection, it can feel like your entire sense of self is dependent on how others respond to you. If you have an anxious attachment style, you might recognize the push and pull of wanting closeness but also fearing rejection. It might often feeling like you’re “too much” or “not enough” depending on how those around you react.