Conrad vs. Jeremiah: When a Shutdown Feels like a Rejection

If you’ve been following The Summer I Turned Pretty (like me), you’ve most likely had very strong feelings about the love triangle between Belly, Conrad, and Jeremiah. Some people root for Jeremiah’s open-heartedness and outgoing personality, while others feel pulled towards Conrad’s brooding intensity.

But what makes Conrad controversial at times, and yet so compelling, is his safety protocol of shut-down.

When Conrad gets flooded emotionally, instead of opening up, he retreats. He pulls away from Belly, leaving her hurt and confused, and questioning what she means to him. To someone on the outside, this looks like coldness or disinterest. But underneath, Conrad’s withdrawal is a defense mechanism… which is where fiction mirrors real life.

Why Do People Shut Down in Relationships?

Conrad’s shut-down is a textbook example of how people with avoidant tendencies cope with emotions that feel too big and too vulnerable. When love feels overwhelming, or external factors (like his mom’s passing) make us extra vulnerable, or when conflict stirs up fears of rejection, some people retreat into silence, distance, or intellectualizing.

For a partner like Belly, who longs for reassurance and connection, this shut down can feel like a rejection, abandonment, or even betrayal. But often, the shut down is not about not caring. It’s about being flooded with feelings and not having the tools (yet) to stay present with them.

Jeremiah vs. Conrad: Two Attachment Styles on Display

Jeremiah tends to lean towards openness, warm, and immediacy in relationships. He seeks approval and closeness, and doesn’t shy away from showing how much he cares. Jeremiah reaches outward, sometimes too quickly and without boundaries. Jeremiah wasn’t the golden child, and didn’t have to carry the family’s pride and pressure. He carved his place through warmth and charm. The desire to please drives his relationships, and makes him vulnerable to insecurity. If he senses he might lose love or get overlooked (as he often did compared to Conrad), he may reach for validation elsewhere. Cheating for Jeremiah might not be about betrayal in the cold sense, but could be rooted in fear. Fear that someone else will always be picked over him.

Conrad, on the other hand, embodies the struggle of someone who cares deeply but fights with vulnerability. His love runs deep, but his way of expression is marked by withdrawal. From the beginning, he’s positioned as the “favorite” son, the one who carries the weight of living up to his father’s expectations. Conrad’s attachment is about not feeling deeply, but actually feeling deepl and fearing that letting it show will cost him love, approval, and control.

What We Can Learn From Conrad’s Shut Down

If you’ve ever felt frustrated by a partner who shuts down like Conrad, here are a few takeaways that might resonate:

-Shut down does not mean a lack of love. Sometimes it’s a survival strategy

-Closeness feels different for different people. For Jeremiah, it’s openness. For Conrad, it’s protecting others and feeling safe.

-Naming the pattern matters. Recognizing when withdrawal is happening is the first step towards shifting it.

-Both partners have nees. The one who longs for reassurance and the one who needs space both deserve compassion.

Bringing This Into Real-Life Relationships

In my therapy practice, I often work with couples who find themselves caught in this same dynamic: one person reaches out for connection, the other retreats. Without understanding the underlying attachment patterns, it’s easy to spiral into blame, resentment, or hopelessness. When both parnters can see the why behind these behaviors, the story shifts. Instead of “you don’t care about me,” it becomes, “I see that you’re shutting down because you feel overwhelmed, and I want to stay connected through that.” The shift can transform a cycle of pain into a path toward trust, intimacy, and repair.

The question isn’t just “Who should Belly choose?” It’s also: What can we learn about ourselves from the way we respond to love, fear, and vulnerability? If you find yourself stuck in these patterns, therapy can help you find your attachment style, shift your responses, and build the kind of connection that feels safe and passionate.

At Amara Therapeia, I work with individuals and couples navigating the push-pull of anxious and avoidant dynamics, betrayal trauma, and the longing to feel truly seen in love. If you’re ready to untangle the Conrad’s and Jeremiah’s of your story, I’d be honored to walk alongside of you.

And if you were wondering… I’m team Conrad.