You’re Not Crazy, You’re Activated! (Understanding Emotional Triggers and Attachment Responses)

We’ve all been there - the moment where you send a text, they don’t respond, your stomach drops, and your brain starts building a case (they’re pulling away, I said too much, I am too much). This is how it always starts… and then the shame rolls in. But let me tell you… you’re not crazy! Your nervous system is activated!

When someone in the clinical world mentions the word “activated”, we’re not talking about drama or immaturity (I’m talking about you, Lala from Vanderpump Rules). We are talking about your nervous system going into threat mode. Our bodies don’t distinguish well between physical danger, emotional abandonment, and relational instability. If you’ve experienced anxious attachment, betrayal, emotional inconsistency, or religious trauma, your system has learned to scan for ruptures. Activation can look like obsessive thinking, re-reading texts, an urge to fix or to chase, shutting down completely, anger that doesn’t match the situation, or needing a lot of reassurance. This is all protection within yourself!

When attachment wounds are touched, the body reacts first and the narrative comes after. You don’t necessarily choose or think your way into activation, but you feel your way into it. Your heart rate might shift, your breathing might change, and your thoughts become hyperfixated. Since many high-functioning adults are used to needing to be composed and capable, activation might feel really confusing. But the truth is, you’re unprotected. The goal is to understand what your system is reacting to, and then changing the narrative.

In young adults navigating through the attachment world, common triggers can be a delayed response from your partner, a tone shift during conversation, some kind of change in routine, feeling special and then not, or subtle power imbalances. If you’ve experienced betrayal trauma in the past, even small moments of unpredictability or inconsistency can feel catastrophic (activation!).

Healing isn’t about “calming down”. It’s about unpacking and learning about what you, your body, and nervous system learned about love, identifying where betrayal or abandonment lives for you, building distress tolerance, and learning to pause before reacting. This isn’t fixed by coping skills alone, it’s repaired through attuned, honest, relational work.

If this all sounds like you (high-functioning but emotionally wrecked in relationships, exhausted from overthinking, ashamed of how intensely you feel, tired of being told to communicate better or ask for less), you don’t need to be less emotional. You don’t need to change your expectations or cut out dating altogether. Your nervous system just needs to feel safe, and that work is possible!

If you’re in Texas and looking for therapy that goes deeper than just coping skills, I offer attachment-focused, trauma-informed therapy for folks navigating betrayal trauma, religious trauma, and relationship anxiety. You don’t need to become less intense, you just need to feel less alone in it.

Schedule a free consultation here if you think we’d be a good fit!